I've been sharing all month long about self care and self love that has caused me to reflect on my own self love journey. During my separation and divorce, I struggled a lot with accepting myself to the point that I felt I wouldn't remarry let alone find someone that would love me for who I am. It has been such a journey that to this day I don't know if I can put it into words but I'll try.
Whether you're a man, woman or even married, there comes a point in your life you wonder who you are, what are you doing and where are you going? It's a rollercoaster of emotions because with the world of social media, it has made people feel they have failed in life, including myself.
But God! It has been a journey that I initially didn't realize I was on. But as time went on, I began to realize who I am, what I'm doing and where I'm going. Honestly, I don't think I would understand this today if it weren't for me being alone let alone going through heartache. Some people jump into relationships immediately after one ends not giving themselves time to reflect and heal. Welcomed distractions keeps you from focusing on what's important, which is you.
Being alone is one of the best things a person can do for themselves. Now let me be clear, I'm not saying be lonely and never have a mate, what I'm saying is having that alone time can do you some good. It allows you think, reflect, plan, meditate, spoil yourself and so on. Who wouldn't want that? Even if you're married, enjoy the alone time when your spouse is away, at work, etc.
Self love and self acceptance is hard to achieve when you are always distracted (or looking for distractions). It's when you get quiet, you can dig deep and begin to see who you are and love who you are. Not what social media, friends or family depicts.
I read a great article on Yahoo (pulled from Elle Magazine) about Mary J. Blige. If you know me, you know I go hard for Mary. When she was going through a heartbreak, I was going through one. When she filed for divorce, I was going through one. Not only did her music describe what she was going through, many of her fans had/were going through it as well, she was so relatable.
In Yahoo's article, Mary explained that when she starred in the movie Mudbound, she felt very low about herself. Going through an ugly divorce had her feeling she wasn't pretty, accepted, etc. The other reason was because she was also starring in a role that required no make-up, eyelashes, wigs, etc. She faced herself outside of her comfort zone. She was so self conscious that it took cast mates and crew to reassure her she looked fine. This was a turning point in her life.
Mary explains that she began complimenting herself every day as soon as she opened her eyes. I'm sure it took more than this for her to love herself but it's one heck of a start. One of the compliments she would say is "Good Morning Gorgeous". This compliment served her so well that she wrote a song titled the same. I've listened to this song several times and my oh my! The self reflection she did to come out on the other side is nothing short of beautiful. This song is a total mood! One I'm carrying all of 2022 and beyond!
You can listen to this song on all streaming platforms. There's also a video for this song as well. You can check it out below.
You can check out the full feature article from Elle Magazine HERE.
In conclusion, learn to love yourself. Never lose yourself to no one. The result will be a happier you as an individual, parent, sibling, aunt/uncle, teammate, etc.
Tell me your thoughts about self love, this blog and the article on Mary J. Blige in the comments below.
This is so spot on with the way I’ve been feeling lately. Mainly, seeing so many fickle, selfish debates on relationships. Everything from high class escorts, gigolos, to abuse. It’s easy to get caught up in foolishness more than anything else. I know I’m very hard on myself and sensitive at the same time. I’m grateful to Christ I know who I am. I have spent time doing things I enjoy prior to this pandemic. I used to wait on others to do hang out and go places. Only to be left disappointed as folks pretended to be interested and back out last minute. Trust I have stories for days. Being able accept myself and love myself. Whew, this is the real work. This is why I show on my social media with or without make up on. I’m a woman just like you. There is no red carpet when I check my mailbox. It’s just me greeting my neighbors and mailman with a friendly greeting. Being kind to folks. We are all just one tragedy away from feeling someone else’s pain. For goodness sake we are human. Yes, I’m still working on my attitude, negative self talk, self sabotage, and being afraid to fail and succeed. This is not something you can runaway because it resides within me and you. We all have baggage to unpack. These heartbreaks from friends are dang near lethal too! It’s hurt me to see many women struggle with this self love. We can lend a hand, embrace one another, and choose to speak life to one another. No hidden agendas. Just be. Good morning, afternoon, evening Gorgeous!!!